Being a "Yes Mom"

I recently read the book No More Perfect Moms by Jill Savage.  In the chapter titled "No More Perfect Kids" she talks about being a "Yes Mom" instead of a "No Mom"... Simply put, say Yes, more than you say No.  If it is not a matter of building character or a safety issue, why not say Yes?  What are the reasons we say no to our kids?  We often say no because it will inconvenience us, it will make a mess, we don't feel like being bothered, we're too tired, we're not flexible, no margin in our schedule, or even just being over protective.  I had a good friend and mentor in my life who taught me the phrase, "In times of eternity, what will it matter?"  This has become a filter for me to run decisions through any time I am uncertain... In times of eternity, building Godly character traits in our children certainly will matter!  In times of eternity, a mess on the kitchen floor or stained clothing certainly will not matter.

 

My mom said Yes to a lot of things...

• Yes, you can help me in the kitchen.
• Yes, you can build a fort with couch cushions.
• Yes, you can get every board game out of the trunk at one time.
• Yes, you can play outside in the rain.
• Yes, you can bake cookies.

I could list more, but the point is she left room for messes and she gave us opportunities to make mistakes.  I'm sure (looking back) that she had to clean up a lot of messes--even if we attempted to clean them up ourselves.  She had to wash lots of stained clothes.  She even had to make unplanned trips to the ER (like the time she said yes to dressing up in Care Bear costumes and it ended with Jessica's head cut open!) 

 

When my kids are grown, I don't want them to look back and think, "Mom was really concerned with keeping our house clean."  I want them to think, "Mom really took the time to have fun with us.  Our house was filled with creativity, exploration, games, and laughter."  I want them to remember me being a "Yes Mom." 

 

Here are a few things I've said "Yes" to in the last couple weeks...

 

"Yes, you can lay under the trampoline and eat apples."



"Yes, you can "paint" faces using markers."  (and I really did say FACES!)

"Yes, you can walk home with one shoe on because your foot has an ouchie."

"Yes, you can enjoy some late night snuggles with Mommy because Sadie is in a different room and you don't want to be by yourself."

"Yes, we can walk down to the water and throw rocks and sticks in."

 

 

"Yes, you can pick up the fish skeleton."  Ewww...

"Yes, I will stop the car and pass my phone back to you because you want to take a picture of the clouds that look like an angel is coming out."

I'm far from perfect, but I'm learning to think before I answer.  I'm learning to sometimes change my "No's" to "Why Not?"  I'm learning to worry less about the mess.  I'm learning to savor each moment in time watching my kids grow and explore.  I'm learning to drink in the sweet smiles and giggles of excitement instead of worrying about what needs to get done...